Confession is the most dreaded and the most liberating Sacrament in the Catholic Church. Nearly every Catholic has a "I haven't been to Confession in years" confession to make. The fear is real — but so is the freedom on the other side.
Whether this is your very first time, or you are returning after 5, 10, or 30 years away — you are welcome. The priest has heard everything. He will not be shocked. He will not judge you. He will do exactly what Christ ordained him to do: forgive your sins in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." — 1 John 1:9
What Is Confession?
The Sacrament of Confession (also called Reconciliation or Penance) is one of the seven Sacraments of the Catholic Church. In it:
- You confess your sins to a priest
- The priest offers counsel and a penance
- The priest absolves your sins with the power Christ gave to the Apostles (John 20:22-23)
This is not merely therapeutic conversation. It is a supernatural encounter with the mercy of God. When the priest says "I absolve you," your sins are genuinely, completely, and eternally forgiven. The slate is wiped clean.
Step-by-Step Guide to Confession
Step 1: Examine Your Conscience (Before You Go)
Set aside 15-30 minutes for honest self-reflection. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal your sins. Use the Ten Commandments or the Examination of Conscience as a framework:
The Ten Commandments as a Guide:
- Have I put anything before God (career, money, comfort, reputation)?
- Have I used God's name in vain?
- Have I missed Sunday Mass without a serious reason?
- Have I dishonored my parents or failed in my duties to family?
- Have I harbored hatred, sought revenge, or hurt someone physically or emotionally?
- Have I been unfaithful in mind or body? Viewed pornography? Engaged in sexual activity outside marriage?
- Have I stolen, cheated, or been dishonest in business?
- Have I lied, gossiped, or damaged someone's reputation?
- Have I coveted another person's spouse?
- Have I envied another's possessions or success?
Also consider:
- Sins of omission — What good did I FAIL to do?
- Patterns — What sins keep recurring?
- Relationships — Who have I hurt and not reconciled with?
Tip: Write your sins down on a small piece of paper. This helps if nervousness makes you forget. You can tear it up after Confession.
Step 2: Find a Confession Time
- Most parishes offer Confession on Saturday afternoons (usually 3:00-4:30 PM)
- Many parishes offer Confession before daily Mass
- You can always call the parish and schedule a private appointment
- During Lent and Advent, many parishes offer extended hours and penance services
Step 3: Enter the Confessional
You will have two options:
- Behind a screen — You are anonymous. The priest cannot see you
- Face to face — You sit across from the priest. Some people prefer the personal connection
Either option is completely valid. Choose whichever makes you more comfortable.
Step 4: Begin the Confession
The priest will greet you. Then you say:
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been [time period] since my last Confession."
If it is your very first Confession, say:
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first Confession."
If you have been away a long time:
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been [X years] since my last Confession."
The priest will not react negatively, no matter how long it has been. He will be glad you are there.
Step 5: Confess Your Sins
State your sins simply and honestly:
- "I have been dishonest with my spouse about finances."
- "I have missed Mass several times without good reason."
- "I have viewed pornography on multiple occasions."
- "I have held resentment against my sister for over a year."
- "I have gossiped about my coworker."
Guidelines:
- Be honest but concise — this is not therapy (though it can feel therapeutic)
- Mention mortal sins by kind and approximate number
- You don't need to provide long backstories
- If you struggle to recall everything, say: "I am sorry for these and all my sins"
Step 6: Listen to the Priest
The priest may:
- Ask clarifying questions (this is to help you, not to interrogate)
- Offer spiritual counsel
- Assign a penance — usually a prayer (like 3 Hail Marys) or an action (like performing an act of charity)
Step 7: Pray the Act of Contrition
The priest will ask you to pray an Act of Contrition. You can use this version:
O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen.
If you don't know it by heart, the priest will have a copy or will help you.
Step 8: Receive Absolution
The priest extends his hand and says the prayer of absolution:
"I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."
This is the moment of grace. Your sins are completely forgiven. Make the Sign of the Cross.
Step 9: Complete Your Penance
After leaving the confessional, complete your assigned penance as soon as possible — usually before you leave the church.
What the Priest CAN'T Do
- He cannot reveal your sins to anyone. The "Seal of Confession" is absolute. A priest would face excommunication if he disclosed anything from Confession. This is the most sacred confidentiality in the world.
- He cannot refuse absolution if you are genuinely sorry and intend to try to avoid sin.
- He will not judge you. Priests hear thousands of confessions. Yours will not shock him.
How Often Should You Go?
- Minimum: Once a year (a rule of the Church)
- Recommended: Monthly
- Ideal: Every 2 weeks, or whenever you are aware of mortal sin
- Saints' practice: Many saints went weekly, including St. Padre Pio, St. John Paul II, and Blessed Mother Teresa
Common Fears (and the Truth)
| Fear | Truth | | --- | --- | | "The priest will judge me" | He won't. He'll be glad you came | | "My sins are too big" | No sin is bigger than God's mercy | | "I'll forget something" | You can bring notes. If you accidentally forget a sin, it's still forgiven | | "I don't know what to say" | The priest will guide you through it | | "I've been away too long" | The priest will welcome you warmly | | "What if I sin again?" | Confession is meant to be repeated. It's medicine, not a one-time cure |
FAQ
What if I forgot a sin during Confession?
If you genuinely forgot, the sin is still covered by the absolution. Simply mention it at your next Confession: "Father, I forgot to mention in my last Confession that..."
Can I go to Confession if I'm not sure I committed a mortal sin?
Yes. If you are uncertain, confess it anyway for peace of mind. The priest can help you understand the difference between mortal and venial sin.
What if I am embarrassed about a particular sin?
This is completely normal and one of the main reasons people avoid Confession. Remember: the priest has taken a vow to never reveal what you confess, and he has likely heard sins far worse than yours. The embarrassment lasts seconds; the freedom lasts a lifetime.
Do I have to confess to a priest? Can I just tell God directly?
Catholics believe that Christ instituted the Sacrament of Confession through the Apostles (John 20:22-23). While you should always pray directly to God, the Sacrament provides certitude of forgiveness, sacramental grace, and the counsel of a trained spiritual guide.
What is the difference between mortal and venial sin?
A mortal sin cuts you off from God's grace. It requires three conditions: grave matter, full knowledge, and deliberate consent (CCC 1857). A venial sin weakens but does not destroy your relationship with God. All mortal sins must be confessed; venial sins are recommended but not required.
The Sacrament of Confession is God's gift of radical mercy. Don't let fear keep you from the freedom He wants to give you. Prepare with our Examination of Conscience, share your prayer intentions on the Prayer Wall, and download the MyPrayerTower app for confession preparation tools.