Every Catholic mother knows the feeling. You raise your children in the faith. You take them to Mass. You pray for them. And then they turn 18. They stop going to Church. They move in with a boyfriend/girlfriend. They tell you they are "spiritual but not religious." Or worse, they join a cult.
You feel like a failure. You feel panic. St. Monica knows exactly how you feel. She is the [patron saint](/guides/who-is-my-patron-saint) of disappointing children and difficult marriages. She didn't just have a "bad day." She had a bad lifetime. But she didn't give up. And because of her stubborn, tear-filled prayers, the Church got its greatest saint: St. Augustine.
Here is her playbook for winning the spiritual battle for your family.
1. The Pagan Husband (Patricius)
Monica was born in North Africa (modern-day Algeria) in 332 AD. She was a devout Christian. Her parents arranged a marriage to a Roman official named Patricius. He was... a problem.
- He was a pagan.
- He had a violent temper.
- He was unfaithful.
- His mother lived with them and hated Monica.
For years, Monica lived in a hostile home. The servants spread lies about her. Her mother-in-law criticized her cooking. Her husband cheated on her. Monica's Strategy: She never nags. She realized that shouting at a man with a bad temper only made it worse. So she "guarded her tongue." When he was angry, she was silent. When he was calm, she gently explained her actions. She prayed for him constantly. The Result: One year before he died, Patricius converted to Christianity. He died a baptized believer. Score: Monica 1, Devil 0.
2. The Wayward Son (Augustine)
But her biggest challenge was her son, Augustine. He was brilliant, charming, and a disaster.
- The Sin: He took a mistress at age 17 and had a child out of wedlock.
- The Heresy: He joined the Manichaeans, a weird cult that believed the world was evil and that Jesus wasn't God. He spent 9 years recruiting his friends into this cult.
- The Deceit: When Monica wanted to follow him to Rome, he lied to her face. He told her "Go pray in that chapel while I say goodbye to a friend." While she was praying, he got on a boat and sailed away, leaving her on the dock.
Monica was crushed. She cried so much that she is often depicted holding a handkerchief. She chased him. She took a boat to Rome. Then to Milan. She wouldn't leave him alone.
3. The Bishop's Prophecy
In her desperation, Monica pestered a certain bishop (we don't know his name) to talk to Augustine and debate him. The bishop said no. "He is not ready. He is too proud." Monica kept crying and begging. Finally, the bishop lost his patience and said:
"Go away! It is impossible that the son of so many tears should perish."
She took that as a promise from God. She kept crying.
4. The Turning Point (St. Ambrose)
In Milan, Augustine met St. Ambrose. Ambrose was the one man smarter than Augustine. Augustine went to listen to his rhetoric (style), but the Truth (substance) seeped in. Monica became Ambrose's biggest fan. She sat in the front row. She obeyed his every command (even giving up her African custom of bringing wine to the tombs of martyrs).
Finally, at age 33, Augustine surrendered. He heard a child's voice say "Tolle Lege" (Take and Read). He opened the Bible to Romans 13. He converted. He was baptized by Ambrose at Easter 387. Monica was there. Score: Monica 2, Devil 0.
5. The Ecstasy at Ostia
Monica’s life was effectively over. Her mission was complete. While waiting at the port of Ostia to sail back to Africa, she and Augustine stood at a window overlooking a garden. They began to talk about heaven. They entered into a shared mystical experience—a "vision" of eternal wisdom where the world faded away. Augustine records her final words in his Confessions:
"Son, nothing in this world now affords me delight. I do not know what there is now for me to do or why I am here, now that all my hopes in this world are accomplished. One thing was there for which I desired to linger for a while in this life, that I might see you a Catholic Christian before I died. God has granted this to me in more than abundance."
She caught a fever and died 9 days later at age 56.
Conclusion: The Power of Tears
St. Monica teaches us that tears are a form of prayer. God stores them in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). If you are a mother crying for your children, do not think your tears are wasted. They are watering the seeds of grace. But you must be patient. It took Monica 17 years. Don't give up at year 16.
Prayer to St. Monica:
"Dear St. Monica, troubled wife and mother, many sorrows pierced your heart during your lifetime. Yet, you never despaired or lost faith... Intercede for me, that my child [Name] may return to the Faith, and that I may have the patience to wait for God's timing. Amen."
Join the St. Monica Sodality and track your daily Rosary for your children on the MyPrayerTower app.